EverydayOrdinary

houseofjules2:

I’m starting a petition for theonion to do a story on how zoos are unwilling to shoulder the tremendous responsibility of naming baby animals without input from a large group of total strangers.

Corporate name rights are the future. The Baby Klipspringer by Comcast.

houseofjules2:

I’m starting a petition for theonion to do a story on how zoos are unwilling to shoulder the tremendous responsibility of naming baby animals without input from a large group of total strangers.

Corporate name rights are the future. The Baby Klipspringer by Comcast.

House GOP uncovered that the 4 Americans who died in Benghazi were shot by an AR-15 in an elementary school, so they no longer give a shit.

—(via teapartycat)

I’m sure the long term unemployed take comfort in 50 Obamacare repeals, 40 abortion restrictions, and 10 Benghazi witch hunts.

—(via teapartycat)

And on the 3rd day Jesus rose from the dead and said “Forget the poor. That was the old me. Now just oppress gays and women.”

—(via teapartycat)

Best response ever.

Best response ever.

Maybe it would be better to break all of my bones

houseofjules2:

I wore my Vans today because it’s supposed to be springtime but because this winter is never ending, I’m worried that the parking lot will be snowy when I leave here in 45 minutes, that I’ll slip—breaking all of my bones—and then I’ll have to go to the hospital instead of home, where I have an EXTREMELY HOT & SEXY NIGHT planned with TurboTax.

Get on my level.

Spring can quit fucking around any time now.

stupidswampwitch:

I just saw a recipe for vegan homemade Oreos and I just…

sigh

Oreos are already vegan. No, really, they are. Why would someone purposely create more work for themselves? You can already join in on this parade. You’re creating unnecessary work for yourself to create an inferior product!

LET ME OUT OF THIS OFFIIIIIIIICE!

comedycentral:

Click here to watch Jon Stewart discuss Fox News’s bizarre spring break coverage on last night’s Daily Show.